You all know what the parents' curse is, don't you? That's when your mom said to you, "Someday you will have a child just like you," or something along those lines. My husband has often said that he hoped to have children that were just like him. He was reportedly a very mild-mannered and sweet little boy, even when he was very little. I admit that I have also been hoping for kids like us, because I was a fairly good kid too. I can't speak for younger than about five (if my parents want to chime in here?), but I recall very seldom getting in trouble as a child, and when I did, it was almost always over a misunderstanding. I saw no reason to do anything other than what my parents or teachers told me. You might say I was willfully obedient.
That said, I know that not all children are the naturally perfect angels we were. In fact, the parents curse has not worked out so well for us so far. We have a high energy boy who likes to push the limits and see just how far he can go.
As parents, it's our job to teach him how to reign in his natural energy and use it appropriately. The term often applied to this process, both on his part and ours, is discipline (which happens to be the topic for this week's Spin Cycle). With an almost three-year-old, most of the discipline is on our part, and it is a tricky prospect. We find ourselves riding a balance of different methods and ideas. Nothing seems to be 100% effective, and we are certainly not 100% perfect parents.
Speaking of perfect parenting, I read this article this morning, and it got me thinking. I have heard of punishment-free parenting before, and I am sure it works for those parents. I hope, though, that for the rest of us who aren't that advanced yet, no one is feeling too guilty over sending their kids to time out.
Most of us, I think, grew up being spanked or grounded for our offences, depending on age and severity. For those used to corporal punishment, I think time outs are a big step in the right direction. Some of us need to take this one step at a time. For me, resisting falling back to physical punishment and instead sending Beeper to his room for a couple of minutes to give us both a chance to cool down and think things over is enough of a challenge. Maybe when I can master that level of level-headedness, I may be willing to try something even more advanced. You might say I need to discipline myself before my discipline toward him can improve.
In fact, I think that when we, as parents, realize that we are on a learning curve too, it can help how we treat our children.
For now, though, if anyone is curious, we are trying to use 1-2-3 Magic. There are a lot of different ways to use time outs, and this book offers some specific guildelines that are supposed to make them work better. It has been working fairly well for us so far *knock on wood*. We even use the 1-2-3 in our Sunday School class (9-year-olds) and it has worked so far. At least, none of them has hit "3" yet.
I also hope that we can all remember not to judge other parents for their parenting methods or for their child's behavior. There's no way we can know the situation. None of us is perfect, and we're all doing our best to do what is best for our children. Let's keep that in mind. And if it helps, keep in mind too that even those of us that grew up getting spankings turned out not too bad.
5 comments:
This post is right on. I can't think of any aspect of parenting as difficult as discipline. So much of parenting involves getting ourselves on the right track first. No matter how late in life we become parents, we still grow up with them. It's a mutually beneficial relationship.
This book looks interesting, I'll have to pick it up from the library. Thanks for the recommendation.
Amen! Heaven knows I was definitely not a perfect child and my mother is happily watching me deal with a toddler who is promising bigger and better comebacks than I came up with. I like the 1-2-3 magic approach since time out is still not quite making the change we'd like to see, but I also need to find something that I can also get John on board with. He tries so hard to help me with disciplining, he often sabotages it. (Which is what my post will be about..)
You're linked up and will be again on Friday.
Arwen, I would love to hear some ideas from you for Spin Cycle. You've got such great ones!
Oh boy! I hope my children aren't as energetic as me! They are though!! We used the book "To Train Up a Child" by Michael Pearl (www.nogreaterjoy.org) as the basis of our training. I also read the sequels No Greater Joy I, II and III. I laughed, cried and laughed again. Consistancy seems to be the key to what ever method you choose. Thanks Arwen for the great post and book suggestion. Mother of 7
I have to hand it to my parents, my mom especially, for not resorting to the tactics their parents used to discipline. My sweet mom had a mother who was physically abusive and she could have easily turned to that type of parenting. It shows amazing restraint to rise above what you "know" and try something different.
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