Laughing about Childbirth

This week's Spin Cycle is "laughter." That's the kind of topic I could go for every week. Laughter is something everyone can always use more of. Here's a favorite funny story of mine that makes the e-mail rounds:

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back.

Usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mommy and Daddy made him a symbol of their love, and then Daddy put a seed in my mother's somach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for 9 months through a umbrella cord." She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had a video camera rolling. The kids are watching her in amazement.

"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my mother starts going, 'Oh, oh, oh!"' Erica puts her hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around like this for, like and hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Now this kid is doing this hysterical duck-walk, holding her back and groaning. "My father called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign in the car like the Domino's man. They got my mother to lay down in bed like this." Erica lies down with her back against the wall. "And then, pop! My mother had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!"

The kid has had her legs spread and with her little hands is miming water flowing away. It was too much!

"Then the middle wife starts going push, push, and breath, breath. They start counting, but they never even got past 10. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff they sad was from the play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."

Then Erica stood up, took a big, theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, is it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder - just in case another Erica comes along.

*Note: Snopes files this story under "unclassified veracity" and shows doubts about the likliness of it. However, having known my share of second-graders, I totally believe one of them could have come up with something like this. Either way, it's a good story.